


It Took Them Five Decades, Goddammit

by in_equality (Lightning_Anonymous)



Category: Amateur Surgeon (Video Games)
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Emotionally Repressed, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Love Confessions, M/M, One Shot, Post-Canon, Slow Burn, Stupidity, Swearing, but its like. mentioned, but thatd be a bold faced lie, hubris is equally as dumb, hubris is the ceo of being so dense, i'd say the stupidity is only on alan's part, idiots to lovers, only matched by alan probe himself, unfortunately thats not a filtered tag yet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:21:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29536044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lightning_Anonymous/pseuds/in_equality
Summary: It's been fifty-two years, and only now do either of them get a hint.Or: not to toot my own horn, butsomepeople tend to characterize Hubralan horribly. I am not some people.
Relationships: Hubris D'obscene/Alan Probe
Kudos: 4





	It Took Them Five Decades, Goddammit

**Author's Note:**

> listen i love the as fandom, but lord. some of you have no idea how to write hubralan. i mean this in such a gentle way. granted im not gonna say my interpretation is the end all be all but some of you write hubris and alan like theyre innocent soft boys who can do no wrong or hubralan is this love at first sight stuff and like. see things the way you want and all, thats fine. but theres some points where its bordering on homophobic stereotypes with you guys. and before you say i dont know what im talking about i literally am responsible for creating and popularizing the ship. i know what i mean.
> 
> people exempt from this message are, without saying names bc thats intrusive and also weird, the tony x bradley x richard shipper/dwayne simp, my right-hand woman in making saccharine syringe, my fellow hannibal "animal" heath fan who gave me the idea for dwayne x animal in SS, my kiibo kinning and partnershipping friend, and my bf. you guys make my time here worth it and i cant thank yall enough. the rest of you people anger me sometimes and im not afraid to say it. either that or i dont know you well in which case im very sorry, i just genuinely dont know who you are
> 
> and if youre some passerby? just ignore this all. im so sorry you had to hear all this, enjoy the fic and have a good day

Fifty-two years.

Hubris had known Alan for fifty-two long, slow years. And yet, they'd been some of the best years of his life- which, in retrospect, wasn't saying much. After all, that was essentially his entire life: be born, isolate yourself in the Arctic for a few years, try to kill Alan Probe, blah blah blah. And yet, it was strange. Despite everything Hubris did, despite the fact _Alan could've died by his hands_ , when he had approached the surgeon years later with an apology scribbled in pen because his words wouldn't work right, Alan had smiled. He'd folded the paper up, combed a hand through his hair, then shrugged. _"I mean... if you really mean it, I can help. Just 'cause I've never been serious in my life doesn't mean I can't start now!"_

God, he had appreciated it then. And Hubris still appreciated the gesture now, too. Not for a moment had he ever regretted the apology, even if he often got a bit too upset at himself for the whole murder scheme. But Alan always joked- sometimes it wasn't a joke, then again -that Hubris shouldn't blame himself too bad. _"You spent, like, ten years thinking everything you felt and did and said was just what that..."_ Alan would gesture awkwardly for a moment, trying to find the right words.

And Hubris always filled in. _"Excuse of a father?"_ he'd chime in, and Alan would grin like a kid on Christmas.

_"Yeah! You thought everything about you was just... him. What he wanted and all that crap! But you're your own man, my good sir!"_ Alan would assume some phony accent for that line that Hubris was sure didn't have an actual location of origin, but he couldn't help chuckling every time. _"You'll be fine. Or, well, you better be. Otherwise, I'm having Ophelia put some of her therapy training to use on you."_

_"You are_ not _."_

_"Then don't go being down on yourself! I'm no coward!"_ Alan would give him a light punch on the shoulder, Hubris would shove him teasingly right back, and suddenly things felt alright.

It was one of those days where Hubris was in need of a moment like that, and for once? The world listened. 

He was busy scribbling down his schedule and whatever notes he needed for the day when a knock came at the door. It was five in the morning. Who would be _up_ at this time? ...Besides himself, but that was a given. A true petty inconvenience (in the past, Hubris called himself a "supervillain", but he had dropped that title after reconnecting with Alan enough to not feel so alone) needed to be properly organized and on a well-balanced routine! But that didn't matter right now- what _did_ was the schedule of whoever had made the poor decision of visiting him. After a moment he stood up, smoothed out his ever-so-tidy suit, and opened the door.

Only to be immediately greeted with a tackle hug. "Hubris! And here I was, losing hope you'd have let me in..." Hubris could've recognized that voice anywhere. Alan feigned indignance in his voice, but the other could picture the wide grin he almost certainly had smeared on his face. As much as he tried to hold it back, the smallest hint of a smile played at his lips.

"Oh, be quiet. You know I don't leave guests outside," he mumbled. 

Alan snickered, pulling back and dropping to the ground. "It's five in the morning! You shouldn't be up, you old coot."

"You're _also_ awake, Probe," Hubris retorted. "You have no room to talk."

The surgeon laughed a bit brighter, taking a few steps into the lab so he could shut the door. "Yeah, well... having part of your brain getting taken out tends to screw up your internal clock a bit, you know. Just food for thought," Alan pointed out as he looked around the room. Hubris rolled his eyes, ruffling up Alan's hair a bit, which earned a small "hey!" from the man.

"I had a worm constricting my brain when you first operated on me. You aren't particularly special in the 'horribly ruined nervous system' department, Alan."

A pause. "What does being nervous have to do with my brain?"

Hubris choked down a laugh, making it come out as more of a quiet snort. _Lord_ , Alan was idiotic sometimes. It was endearing, though. "Are you not the world-famous surgeon here?"

"That doesn't mean I know what the hell I'm talking about, Hubris!" Alan have him a playful jab in the side, hopping up to sit on an empty part of his friend's desk. A few papers lay scattered around its surface, some of them being blueprints for mildly evil schemes. He grinned upon seeing the top one. "Aww, this one's gotta be awfully old. You missed the chance to make a clone of Bleed, like, last year!"

"Don't remind me." He picked up the sheet, crumpling it up. As if on reflex, he shot the paper towards the trash can like a basketball. It missed, bouncing off the rim. "Shit."

"Your aim is the only shit thing here," Alan teased.

Hubris sighed, grinning just a bit more than he wanted to admit to himself. "If I recall correctly, _I'm_ the one who hit you perfectly with a syringe upon our first proper encounter."

"You aren't even the one who shot it!" He retorted. "It was an automatic thing!"

"Semantics." Hubris shrugged.

Alan wheezed out a laugh, suddenly throwing his arm around Hubris' shoulders and pulling him in close. "You're the fucking _worst_ ," he joked, beaming.

"I know." And there came a _feeling_. It wasn't like Hubris was against feeling things anymore- he'd gotten past that stage of his poor mental health -but this was different. A fluttering in his chest, a warmth in his cheeks. He'd brought it up once to Ophelia, and only when she told him her opinion on it did things start to click.

_"You only feel that around Alan,"_ she had started. _"People often feel the same symptoms you do when they're around someone they feel romantically inclined to..."_ She had hesitated, then smiled. _"...so then tell him you feel that way. He isn't... the_ brightest _, I mean, but he'll connect the dots."_

Hubris had narrowed his eyes and shook his head. _"Absolutely not."_

_"Then I will."_

_"Absolutely not!"_ And that had been the start of a whole argument that ended in no winner. Hubris never told Alan, Ophelia never went through with her threat. That had been, what? Fifteen years back? But the memory was stinging at him like an immortal bee ( _that isn't a half bad experiment idea, Hubris!_ ), and it couldn't hurt to open up a bit. After all, Alan was his best friend. He wouldn't hate him. He was the only person who wouldn't- maybe _couldn't_ -hate him.

So Hubris laughed softly, intertwining his fingers with the hand hanging over his shoulder. "You flatter me, Alan. Though, it's only suitable that someone so awful has someone equally as great to balance him out, yes?" He paused for somewhat of a dramatic effect. "Maybe that's why fate dragged us together."

For once, Alan was silent. The hand that Hubris was holding squeezed his own, and when Hubris looked up from their interlaced fingers, Alan seemed to suddenly find the blueprints scattered on the desk more appealing. Were his cheeks flushed? ...No, no. Had to just be his high hopes. But then Alan grinned, eyes crinkling shut. "Hell yeah, he does! Every supervillain needs an emotional support surgeon. Them's the breaks, Hubris, darlin'. Get used to it."

"I got used to it a good few decades ago, contrary to popular belie-" He cut himself off. Blink, blink. "Did you just call me darling?"

"Of course I did! It's taken me this long to come up with a cutesy nickname for my best friend, the _least_ you can do is appreciate it!" Alan gave him a gentle nudge, but instead of it being with his elbow or shoulder, they were close enough to where Alan was essentially just cozying up closer to Hubris. The realization flustered them both- or, at least, it _certainly_ flustered Hubris. 

He smiled, and this time it wasn't filled with spite, pride, venom, or any other emotion that his joy was usually masked with. "I never said I disliked it, my dear sweet idiot."

"On the topic of nicknames- how the hell did you get _dear sweet idiot_ for me? I mean, I know I'm stupid, but the other two adjectives were totally unnecessary. Especially back when you hated my guts!"

And that was what made Hubris think a bit too hard. He knew for a fact one thing- he'd never _hated_ Alan. He'd just repressed any feelings that went out of line with what he thought he had to feel, but when he'd seen Alan standing there in the Exile Clinic, he had been... happy. But he'd gone and said that was just because his father would've been pleased. It was always _father_ this and _Dwayne_ that back then, so it shouldn't have shocked him to think back on it now. Didn't mean it wasn't annoying.

Hubris sighed, bringing his and Alan's faces just a bit closer together. They were almost nose-to-nose now, the two staring into each other's eyes. And yet, it didn't feel tense. Not _too_ tense, anyway. " _I_ never hated you. My father did." He took a deep breath, considering his words carefully. "Do you remember when you would remind me how I used to think everything I felt and did was courtesy of my father?"

"Yeah?"

"That also meant every quip about my father being happy to see you, or that my father would love to speak to you, or this or that..." He gestured vaguely with one hand, moving the other to tilt up Alan's chin. "That was me, as much as I hate to admit it..."

The room grew quiet once again. "You mean it?" Alan's voice was softer, not as heavy with the comedic tone he usually made an effort to hold up. And now that Hubris was closer- _holy_ shit, _he really was blushing._

"I wouldn't lie about something like that, Alan," he replied.

Alan shifted a bit in his seat on the desk. "Aw, jeez. Well, now I _have_ to spill some of my guts to you. Curse you, Hubris." He laughed, leaning his head a bit more into Hubris' hand.

The other couldn't help chuckling along, but he'd be lying if he said he wasn't curious. "Well, out with it. I'm a busy man."

"Oh, shut up." Alan gave him a gentle shove with the toe of his sneaker. "Alright, alright. You gotta promise not to hate me when I tell you, though, okay? 'Cause I totally get if you'd hate me after I say this. So, uh... don't do that?" He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

"You are the only person I could never hate, Alan. You could kill a man and I'd be impressed."

The surgeon snickered. " _Anyone_ could kill a man and you'd be impressed," he said.

"My point stands. Just tell me."

"Right, right." Alan slid backwards slightly, fiddling with one of the corners of his medical jacket. "So, I, uh... figured this out a couple years back. Right before the whole thing with my dead mentor coming back from the dead happened. I would've told you earlier, but not being able to remember anyone you've ever met makes that really hard." He was smiling, but the sadness in his voice was clear. "But... I'm here now, so I can tell you this without any interruptions! ...So long as the author of this fanfic doesn't drop us on a cliffhanger."

Hubris tilted his head. "The author of what?"

"Nevermind. What I'm trying to say is that..." A moment's hesitation. "...I love you. Not in some 'you're my best friend' way. I mean it, like... I wanna kiss you on the lips and hold your hands, and you're also really damn hot. Seriously, you're good-looking as hell, y'know?" Alan pressed a finger to Hubris' cheek, letting out a small 'tsss' sound. "And as much of a jokester as I like to pride myself on being, I mean this kinda shit. So don't you dare take it lightly!"

Time seemed to stop in the room, leaving the two of them frozen. And for once in his life, Hubris was speechless. He always had a cutting retort or some smug comeback, and yet no words would form in his brain to reply. But he still had actions, didn't he?

Slowly, he leaned in, closing the distance between him and Alan with a kiss. It felt so right, like this was the big peak moment in a movie or a game. Alan requited the gesture, hands fluffing up Hubris' hair as the two treasured each other's presence.

It seemed to last both an eternity and far too little time. The two of them parted, Alan taking in a few deep breaths before speaking. 

"I'll take that as a 'me too', then?"

"No, Alan, I hate you and just kissed you for no reason at all," he said, rolling his eyes.

Alan gave one of his soft, genuine smiles, pressing a kiss to Hubris' forehead. "Love you too, darling."

"You sound like a cowboy when you call me that." He laughed, burying his head into Alan's chest. 

"Am I an endearing cowboy?"

" _Obviously_."


End file.
